whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Is it because I queefed?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
