u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize