I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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