And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
this will be a night to untag.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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