the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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