Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
