low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
