Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
