bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
