the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
