mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Drunk is not a location!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize