Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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