I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
