Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
