I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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