You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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