It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
