I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
