But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
