You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
