Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
