Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
