wrigley field is MILF paradise
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Welp...herpes.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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