I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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