he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
