I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
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