9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
