Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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