I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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