someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
