I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
