im six kinds of drunk right now
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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