a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sext me about skeletons
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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