took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i need some magic done to my vagina
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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