umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
