I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
