why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
