So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
sarcasm needs its own font
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
