LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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