420 ftw
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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