I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
