I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
