I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
