I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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