All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
