I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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