i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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