i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
