THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize