Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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