I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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