Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
