we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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