went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
