we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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