The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
