I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
