Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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