Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
