I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
