y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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