I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize