They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
