We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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