I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
