; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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