I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
