one two three fourrrrnication!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
