Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
