just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
nutella sex= disaster
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize