drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
