I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
