dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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