eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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